i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
