it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
