Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
