you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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