Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
