also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize