guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
