y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
