i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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