Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
