forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
