Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
