I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize