News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your penis caused this!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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