I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
