You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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