i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
