Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
