this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
