It's like God shit irony all over that family
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
