How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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