he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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