this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
