I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
