There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
