filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
