Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
