Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
