So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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