My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell me about the eggs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
