did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
