you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
