U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
