sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
