i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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