who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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