She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
