I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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