I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
