this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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