omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
