hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
