I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
