I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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