I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
