Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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