just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
