im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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