and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
