I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
