you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
