The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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