i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
