Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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