he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
