it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
