You kept calling me your small dog last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
