wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize