I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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